Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  It'll hurt less than being alone

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  (407): my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much (1-407): It'll hurt less than being alone http://tfl.nu/6ydx
  Replies (12) Good night (4532) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard

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  (703): Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life (541): Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard http://tfl.nu/54p5
  Replies (27) Good night (2669) Bad night (6246)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?

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  (248): I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape? http://tfl.nu/ekyk
  Replies (32) Good night (504) Bad night (4465) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.

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  (402): I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat. http://tfl.nu/6414
  Replies (14) Good night (4257) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

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  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7561) Bad night (3681)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard

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  (484): we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/y3gw
  Replies (11) Good night (8316) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard

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  (925): Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/2caa
  Replies (14) Good night (3830) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You working tonight?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess

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  (908): You working tonight? (856): Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess http://tfl.nu/kicb
  Replies (9) Good night (2365) Bad night (1447)
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  (760): View more from California

  And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist

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  (760): And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist http://tfl.nu/o8qq
  Replies (7) Good night (2355) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.

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  (310): She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked. http://tfl.nu/yes9
  Replies (13) Good night (4955) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.

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  (720): She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that. http://tfl.nu/2gzq
  Replies (15) Good night (356) Bad night (1480) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.

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  (910): Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad. http://tfl.nu/mvcz
  Replies (4) Good night (390) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.

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  (970): A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is. http://tfl.nu/20fb
  Replies (2) Good night (890) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song

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  (417): For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song http://tfl.nu/a91l
  Replies (4) Good night (1247) Bad night (255) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time

  (917): View more from New York City

  An adult?

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  (516): Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time (917): An adult? http://tfl.nu/ka62
  Replies (3) Good night (1171) Bad night (195)

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