on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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