Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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