Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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