I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
