I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
