we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
