We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize