his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
