Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
