The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
