im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Terrible idea I love it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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