My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
