Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just come out here and I will go home with you...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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