so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
