it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
