Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
