Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
