too bad you live with your parents still
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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