I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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