I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
