I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
