Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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