toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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