Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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