gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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