im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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