I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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