you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize