**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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