life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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