The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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