Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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