i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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