is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
