I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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