just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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