the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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