I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize