It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize