I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
