I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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