small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
