life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
