I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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