matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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