Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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