good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
