Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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