i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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