I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
