Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
