I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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