Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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