Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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