Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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