it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
