Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
