Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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