I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
