is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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