sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
