My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
