the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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