i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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