My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
